"I yawn & yet I yearn. A part of me wants to sleep & a part of me dies to live. To yawn, to yearn-- to sleep & dream or to live a life of the dreams that dreams dream of? To yawn & slow to the doldrums of settling or to yearn & yell at the top of my lungs that I will not be shaken? This is the conflict."-- Me (at 12 something in the A.M.)
I often think that I think too much (Do you see the paradox?). This would prove true no matter how wise one would gauge me to be (or not to be). What I mean is that thinking in and of itself does nothing. Thinking does not perform a function.. to think merely for the sake of thinking is foolishness. What purposes do theories solve? Unless they are put into the further stages of testing and then (ultimately) being proven or disproven.. they mean nothing. AND SO IT IS WITH THOUGHT! So then, any amount of thinking is too much thinking. Does this mean my parents should cry because of spending money on my private school education? NO!!!! It simply means that they should cry (and so should I) if thought is the limit (and end) of my education. Thoughts are nice: thoughts of love, thoughts of falling in love, thoughts of freedom, thoughts of God...
However.. thoughts are thoughts.. it is our actions or lack of that proves or disproves these thoughts. (be it love or our concept or profession of Who God is & what he's like & what we think of him & how we live for him)
What does the above quote have to do with this, you say?
Well, it is kind of similar in a way. I'm glad you asked.
Have you ever read Philippians 1? Good, I'm glad you have. Oh, but YOU.. you haven't. Oh, good thing I've included a nice, nifty little link to an online translation of it here (copy & paste in your browser window)
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http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=Philippians+1
See, Paul faced this same type of predicament. He had a paradox of living or dying to deal with. In the idea of thinking too much.. we see a paradox. We are taught to think. In fact, teaching is thinking in advanced form. So how then could we say we could think too much? And yet, thought of any form without follow up action.. is just that. Meaningless.
With the quote at the start of all this madness, we see the same thing. To yearn & to yawn can become strikingly similar and in fact the same thing apart from the difference of follow up action. So then we see also in Paul's case that living and dying can be the same thing.
Living is death apart from Christ & yet IN CHRIST dying becomes true living. To die becomes gain when we see that we are really going home to be with Christ! And yet, there are times where it is more profitable for our own sakes or for others.. to live on and minister even in the less valuable earthly state (and yet even though it is "less desirable" it becomes "more desirable" when it is the will of Christ)!
Do you see the train of paradox being continually added to here? And yet people would claim that the bible contradicts itself. Does it? NO!!! It is simply paradoxical... just like our lives ... go figure.
We can't understand the natural paradox even though because we are too busy thinking and not adding action to our thoughts. How then could we ever hope to understand (the much more simple-complex) spiritual paradox?
See, we can even go deeper than that. When you first read my quote.. at the start of this.. I bet you thought the words like "sleep, dream, yell, yawn & yearn" were literal? And yet, they weren't. I meant them in a figurative & metaphorical fashion. I meant that to sleep is to die (figuratively or literally).. and to dream is to stay in a unconscious realm of thought without action continually.. and to yell is to really live consciously and know that you are doing so... and to yearn is to yell & push forward to strive for Christ even more in the paradoxical realm of dying to live by dying to self...
So then, everything takes on new meaning when transferring from the flesh to the spirit.. even when put in secular terms... sleep is no longer simply "sleep".. to yearn is no longer simply "to yearn".
Maybe even... just maybe.. "loving" is no longer simply "to love" but something much more deep and profound only found by continual prayer & pouring over the scriptures & seeking the Father in Heaven... who is the only good one.
So then, by that, the "good" of the world isn't even good.
The "good" of the Christian isn't even good unless every time we say "good" we mean "Father in Heaven"!
See, a deeper meaning.
What if the "love" of the world is also not love.
What if the "love" of the Christian is also not even love unless every time we say or do "love"..... it is a reference to that love which is the love that IS the Father (since scripture says that God is love)...
Wow...
yehhhhhh.
I also see Romans 7 & 8 all over the quote at the start of this. You should go read that.
I mean let's re-examine the quote..
"I yawn & yet I yearn. A part of me wants to sleep & a part of me dies to live. To yawn, to yearn-- to sleep & dream or to live a life of the dreams that dreams dream of? To yawn & slow to the doldrums of settling or to yearn & yell at the top of my lungs that I will not be shaken? This is the conflict."
yawn= thinking but not moving beyond thought.
yearning = desiring to move beyond thought & being at the point of considering it but not yet doing it.
sleep = to die (figuratively or literally)..
to live = to not sleep or die.. or willingly die or sleep so that another may not have to sleep or die against their own will. (denial of self, self sacrificing, non-selfish. fruit that is shown through actions-- peace, joy, love, respect, honor, mercy, willingness to give, willingness to suffer, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control..)
dream = dream is to stay in a unconscious realm of thought without action continually.. (which is also to never have to choose or face conflict but also means never facing the rewards of good choices and good blessings and mercy)
yell = to really live consciously and know that you are doing so... so that "to yearn" becomes "yelling" & pushes forward to strive for Christ even more in the paradoxical realm of dying to live by dying to self... forgetting what is behind except in area of growing in wisdom & Godliness.
And you ask, "What about dying?"
I haven't defined dying in the new paradigm, I believe that if we define the others...in the light of Christ.. Christ will see to it that the paradox of death stays true so that death is really no death at all.. but a (Colossians 2) type realization of who our true self really is in Christ.. to no longer see as in a mirror dimly.. but to see and know fully now (Corinthian's concept) even as we have been fully known by Christ!!!
That my friends, is a beautiful concept..
but we are thinking too much.
Let us begin action so that it may be realized & not merely thought upon.
Christ is no theory, he is in fact & is. He IS that he IS.
He says, "I AM".
He is... he is not a theory that is going to be....
but he is proven. He already is.. and was.. and will be.
So, let's get out of thinking and theory mode & move into the realm of what we do with proven entities.
Even in science, we don't just sit around all day contemplating something when it's proven. We put it to use. We act upon it. We find out how it applies so that it may heal & repair & grow & nurture life.
NO, we don't just sit around talking. We don't just sit around hypothesizing. We PRACTICE. And practice entails that failures come, but it's okay... because practice is also what leads to success!
Let's do that. I want to do that.
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