A Christmas song

I had a Christmas list with your name on it then I realized it wasn’t a list..
it was the beating of 2 hearts.
I’ve lived the hit or miss & singled out the greatest parts.
If this is true for men then each “red” & “green” should be the starting & stop of a heart.

Oh, this Christmas is for meeting or beating “in love”.
Oh, this Christmas is for greeting  or bleeding “in love”.
Oh, this Christmas is for tripping my mind on your love.
Oh, this Christmas is for holding my heart in a glove, in the palm of your hand.

I wrote a Christmas list with your name in the center then I realized..
 it was the middle of winter..
I’ve walked ten miles for this & I find that 11 was called for.
How can someone be amazing?
If this is true for women, then all our decorations could just be like a play thing..
So we strip it down, so let’s strip it down, as I strip you down in my mind.
If all these lights are play things, why is the one in my heart on for you?

Oh, this Christmas is for meeting or beating “in love”.
Oh, this Christmas is for greeting  or bleeding “in love”.
Oh, this Christmas is for tripping my mind on your love.
Oh, this Christmas is for holding my heart in a glove, in the palm of your hand.

How can someone be amazing?
Girls like you exist for me, but for most part in fairy tales.
How can someone be amazing?
Oh, but you are to me.
Yes you are, yes you are..
You’re to me, Like a Christmas tree..

Oh, this Christmas is for meeting or beating “in love”.
Oh, this Christmas is for greeting  or bleeding “in love”.
Oh, this Christmas is for tripping my mind on your love.
Oh, this Christmas is for holding my heart in a glove, in the palm of your hand.

So this mistletoe won't be limiting love to days or weeks or years.
So this Christmas, mistletoe cries jealous tears.


Bedroom eyes

Last night I heard you walking on egg shell lines.
About that time, I heard you talking of bedroom eyes.
And in between these conversation of our feet & our mouths & minds,
there was a Siamese connection that was akin to drugs of several kinds..
Except none of them was the deadly kind..
And every other was the lovely crime of 2 hearts, I'm addicted.

Beating slowly, beating faster now, but only when you’re around..
Breathing slowly, breathing faster now, but only when you’re around..
It’s a shame that I’ve got to.. It’s a shame that I’ve got to leave you here.
Breathe In slowly, breathe out faster now.. & then lay your head to dream me again.

Last night I saw you stalking me from the bedroom blinds.
About this time, I put a dirty movie on.. to reveal what I’m really like.
And in between there was a siren from my heart, for my soul & my mouth & my mind..
And it said, “There isn’t even rehab for this one, man.”
And I tangled you up in my mind.. in my mind again.
And I’m sure I’m addicted enough to be..

Beating slowly, beating faster now, but only when you’re around..
Breathing slowly, breathing faster now, but only when you’re around..
It’s a shame that I’ve got to.. It’s a shame that I’ve got to leave you here.
Breathe In slowly, breathe out faster now.. & then lay your head to dream me again.

And I’m dreaming of dreaming.. of you.
And I’m dreaming of dreaming.. of you.
And I’m dreaming of dreaming.. of you & me where potential goodbye isn’t possible for all-time.
You can close your eyes.

Beating slowly, beating faster now, but only when you’re around..
Breathing slowly, breathing faster now, but only when you’re around..

Beating slowly, beating faster now, but only when you’re around..
Breathing slowly, breathing faster now, but only when you’re around..
It’s a shame that I’ve got to.. It’s a shame that I’ve got to leave you here.
Breathe In slowly, breathe out faster now.. & then lay your head to dream me again.

PERFECT!

This song makes me happy. It makes me feel like the double rainbow guy witnessing his own wedding during an "out of body" experience from under the very same double rainbow :P

I made a map of her piano

I made a map of your piano,
it’s telling me to love you right.
I made a map of your piano,
it’s leading me to you tonight.
I made a map of your piano,
sprung from notes both wrong & right.
I made a map of your piano,
to sing of winter’s summer nights.

Oh & she goes burning through a song that I wrote in my head.
Oh & she goes burning through a song I wrote at the foot of her bed.
Oh & she goes burning again as I break from the weekend chorus of the dead..
An echo rings into my head.. she said, she said she loves..

I made a map of your piano,
it’s telling me you are in tune.
I made a map of your piano,
it’s telling me of jealous moons..
I made a map of your piano,
& foreign planets still collide.
I made a map of your piano,
to bring you here right to my side.

Oh & she goes burning through a song that I wrote in my head.
Oh, an echo's burning like the lover’s lips full of red, as she read her lover.
Oh & she goes burning through a song that I wrote at the foot of her bed,
but tonight will be the 1st night that her song.. is bringing true love to life.

Yeah, we're bringing true love to life.
Yeah, your love brings true love to life.
Yeah, we're breathing true love tonight.
Yeah, cause love breathes truth into lies..

Oh & she goes burning through a song that I wrote in my head.
Oh & she goes burning through a song I wrote at the foot of her bed.
Oh & she goes burning again as I break from the weekend chorus of the dead..
A diamond ring sings to the stars.. she says, she says she loves

I made a map of her piano,
to find her love & sweep this gloom.
to turn the page & read in numbers..
It’s telling me of many rooms…
And it’s here in every 1 of them
that I’m making love tonight.
With a boom that's like a thunder..
Piano sing me to my love.

Oh and she goes burning through a song that I wrote in my head…
Oh and she goes burning through a song that I wrote at the foot of her bed…
Oh and she goes burning like the lips of a lover still stained ruby red..
But tonight, we’ll live out actions of our words.
She said, then she proved she loves...
She said, then she proved she loves....
She said, then she proved she loves....
She said, then she proved she loves me.
She said, she said, then I.........

Equally skilled...

stripped down Jon Foreman song (live). Based off the VERY powerful Micah 7:1-9... we went over this in 8th century prophets this morning & this song just kept playing on repeat in my mind!

The eyes of Wonder (a tribute)

In a recent interview, Stevie Wonder was asked the following question by Larry King (if I may paraphrase): "One musician retired in his 50's and when asked why responded with, 'I have said all I have to say.'" To this Wonder said that as long as their was life, as long as their was conflict unresolved, as long as their was conflict over the unresolved conflicts, as long as their was pain & injustice he would have something to say. This was an intense statement.. yet somehow overshadowed by the tremendous impact of a few of his other poignant statements. I will give a few examples: When Larry King asked him if he always is writing in his mind, he said that he wasn't really always writing but that he did spend much of his time "in his head" and figuring how he wants certain ideas and playing with things (like a kid sort of). He then added this on the tail end (which somehow made him seem like the wisest grown man with a kid's heart & playful attitude that I have ever heard of).... "But, uh, when I feel that I don't have a song.. I just say 'God please give me another song!' & I just get quiet & it happens."  He also said this at one point in the interview when asked how he dealt with being called a genius at such an early age & what he thought about it. 

‎"This here is a gift from God, I am only a vehicle of his use." -- Stevie wonder when asked on how he handled being called a genius at a young age & throughout his life.

What is there that can be said of such wisdom? Is there anything?

My response as a fellow musician & songwriter: The mind sees far more than the eyes ever do. How does a writer write without sight? Easy, he sees with his heart & his emotions & his mind & his smell & his feeling.. and by feeling I mean rea...lly "feeling" the way that many of us seldom do. He feels; he grasp for concepts & ideas & truths the way that few of the human race will. This is because the eye is often the limiting factor of our bodies and souls. We are conditioned to limit our entire lives to what can be seen with the eye. We look, but we don't really see.

Okay, so I guess all of that really isn't easy.. but.. well.. paradox much? lol...


After watching this interview & hearing of Wonder's open attitude to work with virtually anyone musician that has drive & love of the music.. because of his own love of the music.. I did just what Wonder said he does.. I asked God for just another song.. though I have done this before (in different words) I especially thought of some of the themes he accentuates and penned this as a "vehicle of God's".

Enjoy! :-)


Take one ride to the bus stop today to see the people living lives,
or so they say.
I see a basket sitting high upon a shelf, a little boy wants food but there’s
no one there to help.
I’m tired of living in the age of  “yours” & “mine”,
while a child’s imprisoned, forced to the life a crime.
Guess one man’s poison is the recent runaway, & the other man’s prison is the eyes that made him stay.

I want to leave.
Would you take my eyes?
I want to leave; could you take the thought that made my “eyes”  become the “I’s”?
This is not me, it is just a shell
to take the stain & protect a soul that should see hell.
Oh I should see hell, come take my “I’s” so I don’t.

I spent one night in a prison cell today,
It seems my nights & days have lost their track that way.
This is no different from the basket on the shelf,
or the boy who needed it when his dad deprived his health.
I’m tired of taking this in the age of passive rights!
True love means action, & it’s come for “yours” & “mine”.
I’m tired of living death with my life upon the shelf…
With the old men singing songs of the times that went so well.

& our voices swell.
& our voices did swell!!!

I want to leave.
Would you take my eyes?
I want to leave; could you take the thought that made my “eyes”  become the “I’s”?
This is not me, it’s just a shell
to take the stain & protect a soul that should see  Satan & his hell.
I want to leave, could you take my “I’s” so I don’t?

This is the difference in Heaven & hell…
This is the difference in basket on the shelf…
One looks too high to see that the bowl is down below..
One looks too low to see that the bowl is high above..
& we do the same, with our love.. with your love.

I want to leave.
Would you take my eyes?
I want to leave; could you take the thought that made my “eyes”  become the “I’s”?
This is not me, it is just a shell
to take the stain & protect a soul that should see hell.

I want to leave.
Would you take my eyes?
I want to leave; could you take the thought that made my “eyes”  become the “I’s”?
This is not me, it’s just a shell
to take the stain & protect a soul that should see  Satan & his hell.
I want to leave, could you take my “I’s” so I don’t?

I want to leave, come take my “I’s” so I don’t!

Dance me to the end of time

If I can not be with you, then I should know,

Then I should know.

& If I can not stay with you, the I should go,

I should just go.

You tame me just to push me down,

Say this was wrong, or just tie me down again.

You gave me your love just to take me down,

With the withdrawls I find from a misery

Of being without you tonight.

And I don’t know what I should say to a love like this,

And I don’t know if I can stay with a love like this,

With my life in my hands, I give you my heart again..

To dance me to the end of time or stab me in the back once again.

I f I can not be with you, then you must know

Then you must know.

& if my arms weren’t so safe for you,

Then leave me alone, just leave me alone to myself.

You tamed me somehow just to push me down,

And throw me the collar and steal all the keys to this town.

Withdrawls have come, because I’m a masochist…

Apparently I somehow liked this….

But I don’t know what I can say to a love like this,

And I don’t know if I can stay with a love like this,

With my life in my hands, I give you my heart again..

To dance me to the end of time or stab me in the back once again.

Sail me on the water, but promise me not to drown our love this time.

Sail me on the waters, but promise me not to poison the best of nights.

Sail me on the water, but promise me not to drown our love this time.

Sail me on the waters, but promise me not to poison the best of nights..

when the lights just burst  on me  again…

And I don’t know what I should say to a love like this,

Or a lover’s white fists that tied the knot around my neck again,

Won’t you pick me up stead of hanging me.. ?

I don’t know if I can stay, with a love like this, for a love like this.

If I stand here with heart in my hand…again

Would you dance me to the end of time & spare my heart

Of your dark sins?

Taylor Swift

So since Austin Kyle Renfroe has a song out on itunes called "Taylor Swift" (& it's really good by the way), I decided that I would play my hand at the friendly, family "& now it's my turn" moment. (And no, I totally didn't mean that in the Arkansas kind of way either.. moving on). Basically this was just a really fun & creative songwriting ex. for me. All of the Guitar stuff for it is still in my head at this point since it's 3:36am now lol.

If I had to sum this up I'd say this is a song from a songwriter to a songwriter about love of all kinds & its' potential.. in music.. in life.. in fantasy.. but more than anything it's realization in reality & what that can mean.

This may be the first song I complete & put out over the web for obvious promotional & marketing reasons :P

*****THE LYRICS*****
This is a love song, I hope that you can hear it.
I hope that you adhere to it just like those books with great advise.
This is a heart song, I hope that you can feel it.
I hope you want to steal from it & make the feelings that I'm talking
come to meet you in the real life.

And if my greatest words just fall short of who you are...
Well then the greatest kiss will have to wait & greet you in the dark.. oh

To feel you now, to touch your skin
To understand the shape I'm in..
To love me just for who I am...
To not believe that all love is pretend

To tame the stars & watch them fall over you..
To watch the rain, but not a minute too soon..
Maybe I'll know that I love you then...
Maybe you'll know & still the words will be
so small.. but still like wine

This is a love song, I hope that you can hear it.
I hope that you won't fear it, like a pathetic stalker with a fist of cheap fixed lines.
And if I'm played out to you, then just give me a decent chance..
to bring about a sweet romance
& when the sun comes up I'm betting you'll love me still.

No more, waking the dawn to find an empty pillow with no face.
No more, chasing the curb to find the pavement wants to meet you face to face.
(cause I'd rather kiss you anyway)

To feel you now, to touch your skin
To understand the shape I'm in..
To love me just for who I am...
To not believe that all love is pretend

To tame the stars & watch them fall over you..
To watch the rain, but not a minute too soon..
Maybe I'll know that I love you then...
Maybe you'll know & still the words will be
so small.. but still like wine
so small.. but still like wine..

And I am finding that love is an intoxicating,
it's an exhilarating, it's an unchanging, a belief that I've found..
And when you wake in the morning & always have a first kiss to find,
And you always have another gift beside you
And you always have a another rush in her eyes...


This is a love song, I hope that you can hear it.
I hope that you adhere to it just like those books with great advise.
This is a heart song, I hope that you can feel it.
I hope you want to steal from it & make the feelings that I'm talking
come to meet you in the real life..
make it real oh make it real now..

To feel you now, to touch your skin
To understand the shape I'm in..
To love me just for who I am...
To not believe that all love is pretend

To tame the stars & watch them fall over you..
To watch the rain, but not a minute too soon..
Maybe I'll know that I love you then...
Maybe you'll know & still the words will seem
so small, just like the perfect date with sweet red wine
just like the lottery odds, so small..
just like the fate of the Saab, so small...
like chances that Elvis died.

Are we in Paris yet?
Are we in Paris yet?
Are we in Paris?

I open my eyes, look in the mirror & I'm seeing you...
put in a verse of mine

Easier than breathing (not to say you're easy) :P

 I want to teach to you about learning..
This is a lesson of laws about learning..
This is a lesson of laws about learning the right way to spell:
“You & me”

I took my best guest and put the R before the vowel sound..
I took my next guest and made a simple funny sound..
at least if I can't get it right then I can make you laugh..

But seriously.. I just want to breathe...

And she said.. that's just what it is..
Because the best way to spell a truer love than all the others
is “It's easy as breathing”

And when you put your foot to the rubber..
You will find that you can't run from her..
cause the biggest of your fears start to drown beside the years that you want to love her.

And that's it... because it's easy as breathing..
Oh that's it... you make love as easy as breathing.

I want to teach you the words to my version
of the incessant, automatic better version.. of this..
oh yeah & if you take the time to listen I would say:
“You know that it's you.”

I want to take the time to memorize your number
even when I have predict-a-text & auto-dial..
because the meaning of the season that I find myself believing in
is calling for style (not auto-tune)

and it's leading me into your eyes, can I stay for awhile?
But seriously.. I still need to breathe...

And she said.. that's just what it is..
Because the best way to spell a truer love than all the others
is “It's easy as breathing”

And when you put your foot to the rubber..
You will find that you can't run from her..
and then the biggest of your fears will start to drown beside the years that you're wanting to love her.

And that's it...
Oh that's it...

And we can joke about salvation history,
And we can talk about this crowded, tangled, web we weave..
but amidst the crowded room, I will always meet your eyes when I open that door.

And we can talk about semantics & the words we see,
or we can live them like we mean that they're not make believe..
and when we live them like we mean them in our living room...
then we will surely be free...
or we could think just a little farther.. outside.. of our box...
because love does..

I want to teach you a lesson about learning..
This is a lesson of laws about learning..
This is a lesson of laws about learning the right way to spell:
“You & me”

I took my best guest and put the R before the vowel sound..
I took my next guest and said a simple funny noun..
at least if I can't get it right then I can always make you laugh..s

But seriously.. just laugh once for me...
But seriously.. laughing & breathe!

And she said..
Love is not a number or a spelling
but it's easy as breathing..

And I said..
Love is not a number or a slumber
case it's easier than breathing..

And when you're around..
I can't depend on my lungs to even make a sound
because I'm dreaming of a feeling where I'm kissing you and leaving all the “oxygen-kind”.
And I'll take you in for the rest of time.
And I'll breathe you in for the rest of time.
And I'll take you in cause loving you is easier than breathing,
but that's not to say.. that you are easy.. no!

Your loss

So I realize this is a LOT ironic. I started this song yesterday and wrote some more on it today after the Taylor Swift special.. um.. I could finish it now.. but I feel like I want some of tomorrow's event to soak in and maybe have some kind of lasting effect on the overall shape of the song. Right now it's about a bad relationship, bruises and being left & just deciding that in life we have the option to wallow or to move on and make the most of our future by learning from the past and all of the coupled blessings & injustices that are somehow thrown our way. WE can learn & achieve amidst and through both of these seemingly opposite things. Success & failure aren't really all that different... The wise person realizes that success can't truly be measured until the end of a story.. defeat is only assumed when you allow yourself to believe that you are stopping your history & future to dwell on current or past events. Keep moving. Learn from things and make the next step better. I'm like a child learning to crawl and talk and walk in love.. so are you. Step forward and fall.. but get back up and do it better the next time!

Somehow I know that there's going to be more than that message to intertwine in this song.. tomorrow I deal with a funeral and then working almost 8 hours in Jackson during crazy Friday madness... I will birth art out of the situation though.. I really will. And if for some reason I was to be horribly injured tomorrow or die even.. someone else will see this and they will be inspired to live with urgency and to love with passion and to voice it in word & action. This means that no matter what happens tomorrow.. today was a success.. but the story is still unwritten.. so we can't call it success yet.. now can we?

***Preliminary lyrics.. (unfinished)***
Break the dawn & tell your story,
I could tell that you were lonely in the hands of time.
Fight the book that's on your shelf
& feed the fish that live inside your soul to calm the seeds of time.

These rhymes can only go so far
it seems that love's made like a Gar
to catch & slip away...(any day now)

The book that sits upon my shelf is writing me into a selfish
prayer to pray in vain...

This is a metaphor of how a double door can let you in and spit you out with a bitter taste.
This is a metaphor of how a rubber soul can run your heart to the ground & laugh in your face.
And if it seems that I'm a little bit selfish, I've earned the right to fight without a bruised fist
It's you that did this,.. it's you that did this to me..
Your loss is my victory.

A summer's wedding in winter

I just thought of a melodic structure of semi-jazz, semi-classic influenced guitar to use with this & may appropriately arrange piano for it. There is some French used in the Outro as appropriate from the previous word painting used. This is meant to be a proposal between two lovers left standing after an almost Shakespearean (though modern) tragedy. I'm not marking verses or choruses due to not wanting to interrupt the flow of the wording. Enjoy! If I ever did a song along the lines of a Michael Bublé, Frank Sinatra, Rufus Wainwright style..   THIS WOULD BE IT!!!


I've got you painted on these pictures,
but “in my mind” is always far away.
I'd prefer if I could sit or stand beside you,
& admire the way the sun lights off your face.

Oh, an afterglow of a summer spark
at the kissing tree when you were young.
Oh an afterburn from a summer kiss
like a wedding ring that's born to fit.

And you stand only cause the rest of them fall,
and I'm standing here beside you
and I'm left to gaze at what was won..

And I stare only cause I'm left in total awe
and I'm standing here beside you
til the kneeling part & the fancy words to follow.

I've got two lamps upon a shelf,
And one of them is for my faults,
to ward off a once cold, dim heart..

And two is for the nights of “me & you”...
though grammar has some power I'm left
to discard all my prose & rhymes when..
words can't come to make you move..
my lips will come to make you swoon
And this is love

And you stand only cause the rest of them fall,
and I'm standing here beside you
and I'm left to gaze at what was won..

And I stare only cause I'm left in total awe
and I'm standing here beside you
til the kneeling part & the fancy words to follow.

Take a look at my humanly flawed eyes
& see if you can see my former self.
No doubt, the perfect woman made me perfect too..
and she is here and she is dancing in my arms...
a Venus goddess bows to you.

And you stand only cause the rest of them fall,
and I'm standing here beside you
and I'm left to gaze at what was won..

And I stare only cause I'm left in total awe
and I'm standing here beside you
til the kneeling part & the fancy words to follow.

Outro (in French)
Et ils viendront et vous embrasseront sur vos bouts du doigt, mais j'embrasserai vos lèvres d'offre.
Danse, danse pour moi. Rappelez que nous sommes vivants dans le monde parfait de l'amour et libres.

{translation}- Outro..
And they will come & kiss you on your fingertips, but I will kiss your tender lips.
Dance, dance for me. Remind that we're living in the present perfect world of love & free




Letters to Juliet

V1: This is the story of a love history
       Of a boy that once was marred in defeat
       Until the laugh of a girl & her smile & her hair
       Took off the boring & victory was sweet.

       The weight of golden light & love butterflies,
       A night of roses & a fist full of white lies,
       To tame this garden & to uproot all the weeds,
       It was told, I was bold, she was gold…
       She melted & covered me.

Pre-chorus 1:
And your letters marked the time of a love & a grace from above.
And your lips were a garden of songs made of songs that came to wake the dead & revive the  weak.

Chorus 1:
& letters from Juliet remind me that love is a story but more than just rhymes.

Your letters from Juliet remind me that love holds the power to beat all our crimes.

V2: This is the story of a girl & her feat,
        A boy that swept from under them when they would meet..
        & the times hold a key to our mechanical lines..
        Loose the chains of youth to shed our eyes from public disguise.

      To take the “our” with 7 golden lamps that help us to see..
      This church is miles & miles from where my mind wants us to be.
      To grow a garden & to fill it with love…
I was sold from the cold into the wedding throws of emerald love.

Pre-chorus 2:
And your letters mark the time of a love & a grace from above.
And your lips sealed on me like a spark that’s sure to set my mind to love..
I surrender.


Chorus 2:
& letters from Juliet remind me that love is a story but more than just rhymes.
Your letters from Juliet remind me that love holds the power to beat all our crimes.

& you will find that love is a life of the joys & the pains & the pleasures & frills
But letters from Juliet can renew a fragile mind to a lifetime of thrills.

Bridge: You’re here with me.
              You’re here with me.
             You’re here with me.
              You’re here with me.
        (my love, my love, my love for the perfect victory)

Chorus 3:
& letters from Juliet remind me that love is a story but more than just rhymes.
Your letters from Juliet remind me that love holds the power to beat all our crimes.

& you will find that love is a life of the joys & pains & pleasures & frills
But letters from Juliet mark my mind..
To remind me …

But letters from Juliet mark my mind…
To remind me you’re mine forever…

But letters from Juliet mark a mortal mind..
To bring the heavens tonight.

"Barton Hollow" | The Civil Wars | OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO | [HD]

it's too late to be thinking these deep thoughts...

"I yawn & yet I yearn. A part of me wants to sleep & a part of me dies to live. To yawn, to yearn-- to sleep & dream or to live a life of the dreams that dreams dream of? To yawn & slow to the doldrums of settling or to yearn & yell at the top of my lungs that I will not be shaken? This is the conflict."-- Me (at 12 something in the A.M.)

I often think that I think too much (Do you see the paradox?). This would prove true no matter how wise one would gauge me to be (or not to be). What I mean is that thinking in and of itself does nothing. Thinking does not perform a function.. to think merely for the sake of thinking is foolishness. What purposes do theories solve? Unless they are put into the further stages of testing and then (ultimately) being proven or disproven.. they mean nothing. AND SO IT IS WITH THOUGHT! So then, any amount of thinking is too much thinking. Does this mean my parents should cry because of spending money on my private school education? NO!!!! It simply means that they should cry (and so should I) if thought is the limit (and end) of my education. Thoughts are nice: thoughts of love, thoughts of falling in love, thoughts of freedom, thoughts of God...

However.. thoughts are thoughts.. it is our actions or lack of that proves or disproves these thoughts. (be it love or our concept or profession of Who God is & what he's like & what we think of him & how we live for him)

What does the above quote have to do with this, you say?
Well, it is kind of similar in a way. I'm glad you asked.

Have you ever read Philippians 1? Good, I'm glad you have. Oh, but YOU.. you haven't. Oh, good thing I've included a nice, nifty little link to an online translation of it here (copy & paste in your browser window)

----------> http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=Philippians+1



See, Paul faced this same type of predicament. He had a paradox of living or dying to deal with. In the idea of thinking too much.. we see a paradox. We are taught to think. In fact, teaching is thinking in advanced form. So how then could we say we could think too much? And yet, thought of any form without follow up action.. is just that. Meaningless.

With the quote at the start of all this madness, we see the same thing. To yearn & to yawn can become strikingly similar and in fact the same thing apart from the difference of follow up action. So then we see also in Paul's case that living and dying can be the same thing.

Living is death apart from Christ & yet IN CHRIST dying becomes true living. To die becomes gain when we see that we are really going home to be with Christ! And yet, there are times where it is more profitable for our own sakes or for others.. to live on and minister even in the less valuable earthly state (and yet even though it is "less desirable" it becomes "more desirable" when it is the will of Christ)!

Do you see the train of paradox being continually added to here? And yet people would claim that the bible contradicts itself. Does it? NO!!! It is simply paradoxical... just like our lives ... go figure.

We can't understand the natural paradox even though because we are too busy thinking and not adding action to our thoughts. How then could we ever hope to understand (the much more simple-complex) spiritual paradox?


See, we can even go deeper than that. When you first read my quote.. at the start of this.. I bet you thought the words like "sleep, dream, yell, yawn & yearn" were literal? And yet, they weren't. I meant them in a figurative & metaphorical fashion. I meant that to sleep is to die (figuratively or literally).. and to dream is to stay in a unconscious realm of thought without action continually.. and to yell is to really live consciously and know that you are doing so... and to yearn is to yell & push forward to strive for Christ even more in the paradoxical realm of dying to live by dying to self...


So then, everything takes on new meaning when transferring from the flesh to the spirit.. even when put in secular terms... sleep is no longer simply "sleep".. to yearn is no longer simply "to yearn".

Maybe even... just maybe.. "loving" is no longer simply "to love" but something much more deep and profound only found by continual prayer & pouring over the scriptures & seeking the Father in Heaven... who is the only good one.

So then, by that, the "good" of the world isn't even good.
The "good" of the Christian isn't even good unless every time we say "good" we mean "Father in Heaven"!

See, a deeper meaning.

What if the "love" of the world is also not love.
What if the "love" of the Christian is also not even love unless every time we say or do "love"..... it is a reference to that love which is the love that IS the Father (since scripture says that God is love)...

Wow...
yehhhhhh.

I also see Romans 7 & 8 all over the quote at the start of this. You should go read that.

I mean let's re-examine the quote..

"I yawn & yet I yearn. A part of me wants to sleep & a part of me dies to live. To yawn, to yearn-- to sleep & dream or to live a life of the dreams that dreams dream of? To yawn & slow to the doldrums of settling or to yearn & yell at the top of my lungs that I will not be shaken? This is the conflict."

yawn= thinking but not moving beyond thought.

yearning = desiring to move beyond thought & being at the point of considering it but not yet doing it.

sleep = to die (figuratively or literally)..

to live = to not sleep or die.. or willingly die or sleep so that another may not have to sleep or die against their own will. (denial of self, self sacrificing, non-selfish. fruit that is shown through actions-- peace, joy, love, respect, honor, mercy, willingness to give, willingness to suffer, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control..)

dream = dream is to stay in a unconscious realm of thought without action continually.. (which is also to never have to choose or face conflict but also means never facing the rewards of good choices and good blessings and mercy)

yell = to really live consciously and know that you are doing so... so that "to yearn" becomes "yelling" & pushes forward to strive for Christ even more in the paradoxical realm of dying to live by dying to self... forgetting what is behind except in area of growing in wisdom & Godliness.

And you ask, "What about dying?"

I haven't defined dying in the new paradigm, I believe that if we define the others...in the light of Christ.. Christ will see to it that the paradox of death stays true so that death is really no death at all.. but a (Colossians 2) type realization of who our true self really is in Christ.. to no longer see as in a mirror dimly.. but to see and know fully now (Corinthian's concept) even as we have been fully known by Christ!!!

That my friends, is a beautiful concept..
but we are thinking too much.

Let us begin action so that it may be realized & not merely thought upon.
Christ is no theory, he is in fact & is. He IS that he IS.
He says, "I AM".

He is... he is not a theory that is going to be....
but he is proven. He already is.. and was.. and will be.

So, let's get out of thinking and theory mode & move into the realm of what we do with proven entities.

Even in science, we don't just sit around all day contemplating something when it's proven. We put it to use. We act upon it. We find out how it applies so that it may heal & repair & grow & nurture life.

NO, we don't just sit around talking. We don't just sit around hypothesizing. We PRACTICE. And practice entails that failures come, but it's okay... because practice is also what leads to success!

Let's do that. I want to do that.

lose your "black & white" mentality people.

Some would say "Do not provoke your brother."
I would say.. "You're on to something.. lose your 'black & white' mentality & you might get something out of that."

Here's what I mean--> It's not a matter of "Do" or "Don't" ....

Let's resolve this--

Go ahead and provoke your brother. In fact, provoke your sister & your mom & dad & pastor & deacons even!.. Provoke them unto good works & righteousness. Provoke them unto peace, love, hope, virtue, charity, real living-- truth.

So then it's not a matter of what we are against, but what we are for. What we are for (when strong enough -- meaning .. when of God) automatically implies what we are against!

There are times when you have to also literally say it though, but I think you're getting my mindset here.. eh?

The word of God is not so weak that it cannot stand on its own power! It is both an offense & defense of itself. It is complete.. not lacking in any good thing.

And so, why must we feel the need to add & subtract to it?
We simply hinder it for a time.. and so.. hinder ourselves from real progress.

The Descartes fallacy- like soup w/o a spoon.

Well here I am. Or am I here? The paradox of existence, ah. And yet, I know that I am. But what part of me "is" & whose is it? and for how long & to what extent?

I mean, Am I here 100% occupied in whatever I do.. or am I divided in allegiances constantly.. even w/o admitting it? I should surely hope not, Christ did say that a house divided against itself could never stand!

I will say that this is tricky to even begin to talk about.. because we could get into the realm of walking in the flesh vs. walking in the spirit.. which could further break down. I don't want to do that now. I just want to examine one particular secular notion that is kind of relative to this whole idea. (but if you want to read on flesh vs. spirit-- look at Romans 7 & 8.. or at the Galatians 5 passage on the Fruit of the spirit.. or Colossians 3.. or Philippians 2 & 3.. that should paint some kind of picture for you)


I belong to Christ, 100%. And yet, I don't always live up to the quote: "I think, therefore I am." No offense to Descartes, but I find his quote disheartening. It doesn't finish well. Just because I think on love doesn't mean I love. Just because I doubt my own validity in the universe doesn't mean that the implied personal nature of that doubt proves my existence. Just because I think.. that doesn't do anything. The concept is really a fallacy to me. It doesn't finish well. If I had to compare its mode of thought to anything.. I would compare it to a big bowl of soup without a spoon. It looks really good, but you can't take it all in. You want to take it all in, because it seems tasty.. but you realize that without the spoon.. it is incomplete and will end up spilling on you and leaving you burned in the end.

Christ commands me to finish well, so I have to rework Descartes fallacy of thought process here. I would say, for the Christian: "I love, therefore I am."

In fact, I would take it even a step further and just say all of this--

You have heard the saying "I think, therefore I am." This is not enough. I now say to you "I love, therefore I am." If one wonders whether or not they truly exist.. their wondering alone is not proof of true existence. You have heard that it is, but it is not. Proof of true living is love, for this is what the Father seeks.


and then I would take it even farther by adding this--
Those who worship must worship in spirit & in truth. I tell you this-- Apart from love, your Father in heaven does not even exist.. for such is his very being.



Now Go read 1st John and then read John 4 and tell me that what I'm saying doesn't line up with scripture. I dare you. I want you to be like the Acts 17:10-11 people. Go examine my words. I don't speak of my own initiative, but of the Father. Even as it is written, why would a man seek his own perishable glory when he could seek the imperishable glory of the Father? Therefore, I speak of the imperishable glory that is of the Father.. that I might also partake of that divine glory (in due time).

P.S. -- The first few chapters of Colossians tend to speak really well on this idea as well.

cause sometimes you just need to make a kid's song into an adult's song...

& find that some things about child-hood are perfectly beautiful when transferred to adulthood.

WRONG WAY!

This is sort of a satirically "happy" sounding sound with an up-beat about the saddest thing ever. Yes, I wrote a paradox in song form. It's about knowingly & willingly rebelling against God & choosing other gods (that are not gods) to be God in his place... This song is about telling him that.. to his face... or you could look at is as a believers sarcastic take on other people doing so. There are certainly elements of both in here. If this makes you want to shoot me or call me a blasphemer.. then good for me. Here we go!



V1: Father, Father, Father believe us when I tell you..

We took the wrong way out &

Father, Father, Father mistreat us when we tell you..

That God can mistreat now &

I know, I know, I know it’s crazy to command you..

I took the wrong way now.

As example to all of my peers..

I took the wrong way out.



V2: Father, Father, Father believe me when I tell you..

that I’m an officer now &

Father, Father, I’m a policeman caught abusing

I’ve stole your position now &

I know, I know, I know it’s crazy to call you names

Like “pathetic & made up” & "bastard"

& I’m taking the wrong way out..

I’ll take the wrong way out.



{Chorus 1}-

So give me your number, & I will call the complaint line.

So give me your cover, & I will berate your marriage design.

So give me your number, & will call the complaint line.

Cause I’m always good at calling people, screwing up my years.



V3: Father, Father, Father believe us when I tell you

We are a strong race now &..

Father, Father, Father believe that we don’t need you..

Even thought we cry out in despair

See I know, I know.. I know it’s crazy to want you..

And to need you but deny your own right

to call us to love & not hate your design of light.



{Chorus 2}-

So give me your number, & I will call the complaint line.

So give me your cover, & I will berate your marriage design.

So give me your number, & will call the complaint line.

Cause I’m always good at calling people, screwing up all hope near.



{Bridge}-

To the common man it’s like “God” is “Dog” & “Dog” is “man”

& we’re picking up numbers to plot our own graves in the sand.

To the common man it’s like “God” is “Dog” & “Dog” is “man”…

& now man oh man.. I’d call you but I’ve cut the line again..

now my heart beat is dead.

DUM, DUM, DUM.
(I am dumb. We're all dumb!)



{Chorus 3}-

So give me your number, & I will call the complaint line.

So give me your cover, & I will berate your marriage design.

So give me your number, & will call the complaint line.

Cause I’m always good at calling people, screwing up my years.



So give me your number, & I will call the complaint line.

So give me your cover, & I will berate your marriage design.

So give me your number, & will call the complaint line.

Cause I’m always good at calling people, screwing up all hope near.



{Outro}-

So I’m taking the wrong way now, I’ll take the wrong way out.

So I’m taking the wrong way now, I’ll take the wrong way out.

So I’m taking the wrong way now, I’ll take the wrong way out.. Lord.

choices..

Choices are all around us. WE say that we want to have freedom. We say that we want to have innumerable, & unforseen options.. however.. when we get such moments of possibility we often only have confusion. Isn't this a strange anomaly? Isn't it so paradoxical? It is in such moments that we realize that with great freedom really does come great responsibility!!!

The more I know, the more I become a slave to my knowledge. The more wisdom I acquire.. the more I am ruined by possible answers that I must wade through in search of the one true answer to any given predicament. OH for the days of the 5 and 6 year olds that in any given situation only had two options: one = right & two = wrong.
Now.. one may = wrong & two may STILL = wrong.. but in a differing way.. or one may = right.. and two just = MORE RIGHT by virtue of quickness or general efficiency!

What is a modern example of such miserable choices that ruin. I will give you an easy one that is generally unnoticed: The bachelor. Also- The Bachelorette.

Can a man be ruined by a knowledge of multiple clear choices of love?
Can a woman be ruined by a knowledge of multiple clear choices of love?

I think the answer is yes.
How?

Well, this many options leaves a person evaluating and re-evaluating what love actually is to them. Now, it is not wrong for a person to clearly grow as a person into a realization that what they once deemed as love is not (in fact) love. However, what is the motivation for realizing such a thing? IF the motivation for this realization is a list of 30 people that you spend time with.. the your definition of love (by very virtue of the motivation that made you change it) is not going to be solid even in its newly realized state.

That definition would just change again given 30 different people to make you re-evaluate it again in a different setting with differing circumstances!

How obvious this must seem when it is stated out.. and yet it is the same in so many other situations and not just in love.

Sometimes we are better with only a few clear options or choices. Many choices may ruin a life... but only a few can solidify & uphold it.

Do you want to be the person with endless possibility and options.. or the person with only a few possibilities that are clear and concise as to truth & beauty?

There are many means to an end.. but only one end to a means.
The means of love are ever changing... but the end of love is simply.. more love.
The means and methods of dying are ever changing... but the end of death is simply.. always death... (and death only to be raised in newness of life *for the Christ follower* but still death must come first)

The means change.. the end has always been the same & will be.

But what about for the Christian, again?
OH yes.. it changes.. but yet is still the same.. in a way..

So then:

The means of love are ever changing... but the end of love is simply.. more love (which would make the end no end at all *another paradox*)
The means & methods of dying are ever changing... but the end of death is simply.. always death... (so then the death of death in Christ makes death no longer death but life instead!-- another paradox)

The means change.. the end has always been the same & will be (Jesus).
And so.. when Christ is involved even.. the secular notion still holds true in a way.. and yet Jesus changes it to have a new sort of meaning to it. So then the "ah-hah" moment is no longer an "ah-hah" moment.. but something realized from a series of previously collected bits of info & events & life learning.

Maybe this is why God is referred to as simply "I AM" in portions of the Old Testament. Hrmmm??? There is a beginning & an end & Jesus is to be both. And yet, he is also to be involved in the constant present ... not just the past and future (beginning & end). Maybe this is why community is so important? We wouldn't learn these things on our own.. but instead our collective societal efforts and talks and yearnings lead us to these things together.

So then.. would I rather have many many means when there is only an end of love or death? Wouldn't I much rather have only a few options (because the fewer options yield for a greater percent of getting it right and choosing love over death)?

However... our world is complicated.. and so.. we have an ever increasing realm of means.... from 1 billions to 2 billion to 3 and multiplied & squared & then cubed.
And still... the end result is either death or life.

-- No wonder Jesus said the way was narrow and that few would find it.
This becomes more true with each passing day of man.

-- No wonder James said that "The days are evil" & encouraged us to make the most of today while it is still called today!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not promoting minimalism here. Knowing how to do things many ways is a good thing... but is there a such thing as too much? Solomon would teach us that there is! He had more collective people & wisdom & knowledge & wealth under his thumb than anyone in history!!!!

Most people today would also recognize this in the way that a man who learns several trades will usually not be as good at any one skill than another man who picks one trade and devotes himself entirely to it. There are exceptions to every rule, but generally this would prove true.

So is the choice a friend or enemy then?
Is my choice to choose making me a slave?
Again, this screams of paradox!

"How can freedom make you a slave?"- you say.
I say- "Freedom from what.. in order to do what?"

We have become so amassed in choice that our choice is to be free to choose but not to know or realize what we are choosing or why or when or how. (or even where or to what extent)

WE have become lost to the details. We no longer care about the sub-possibilities within the one best option & the one worst option. Instead, we opt for the 30 million options that sound good on the surface.. but yield no meat amidst the deeper details.

We have paralyzed ourselves amidst the choices of where to move next.
What if we chose to be still? Would our choice to stand still and reflect keep us from crashing our brains and lead us to a better understanding?

So then, we stand still now in order to think and decide more effectively... or we effectively decide not to stand still.. and in the process end up paralyzing ourselves from decision (ultimately to be stuck standing still against our will).

Ah, does the paradox end?
Does the question end?
Maybe my question ends where your question begins?
Maybe my answer starts where your answer left off?

So then, we require togetherness.
There is no I anymore.

The better statement is: Was there ever really an "I" or were you & I just under a false impression from our "Freedom" that wasn't really freedom at all?

You see, even Adam was never alone. You say, "Rick, he was.. before God made Eve." To that I say-- "God did say 'It is not good for man to be alone'-- BUT, he also SAID it.. proving that HE was with Adam all along. Adam was never alone. And so.. even in Adam's loneliness there was no "I". (not in the sense that we see "I")..
Adam was never truly alone. God didn't mean alone the same way we mean "alone". Perhaps we should line up our vocabulary with his? Perhaps we should line up our character with his? It is the only way to more properly understand and live out this whole "love" thing. It is the only way to rid ourselves of this community blistering, love ruining concept of what we describe "loneliness" as.

WE are not alone. WE were never alone.

There was community.. between God and his creation.. God and Adam even. There was "WE" from the very start.

Perhaps the most important choice is that of sight or blindness, hearing or deafness... out of sight we react and move.. out of hearing we react and do.

WE need to move.. and we need to do. And yet, we are (in large) not a nation of movers and doers. We are (instead) a nation of critics & contemplation. The problem is that contemplation is only "in theory"... and "theory" is called "theory" because it is not PROVEN in action.

So are we sending out the message.. by not being movers & doers.. that Christianity is only a theory? If so, then we are effectively telling the world that Christ has not been and is not being proven.. but only thought upon..

Isn't Christ more than this?
Isn't Christ beyond the realm of the mere mind?
Isn't he all encompassing?
Isn't he everywhere?

Well, thoughts can't be everywhere folks. Thoughts are limited to the mind.
So, we have a problem. WE have been putting Christ within the limited confines of our mind's "box" for way too long.

I don't have to tell you.. but I will..
we have a choice to make today...
and maybe that choice will lead to another..
and maybe the choice to make that choice will lead to another still...
and another.... and another...

Wanting you..

So I woke up late today. Most creative people realize that they either work best under the conditions of waking up early & thinking out things.. or staying up after the world is asleep in order to think out things. Sometimes I do the staying up late bit.. sometimes.. (though not much) I will also do the waking up early thing. However, today.. I just happened to not wake up til most of my classes were supposed to be done. I know, bad me. Shame on me. However, I used this opportunity (since my mind was fresh & unusually alert from the extra sleep). I picked up my guitar and played an E Major chord. I started strumming around with a finger picking soft, subtle pattern. These lyrics then came to mind. The idea is that of two friends & one wants to be more.. eventually it causes the needless loss of the friendship. There is regret & the man simply wishes for the woman to come back.. like a breeze to blow back towards him in comfort. However, in his wish.. he doesn't clarify.. So she ends up coming back like a cold breeze from the North in the winter-time.. a harsh bitter wind. He realizes he should have been careful what he wished for.. but in a sense still likes even her bitter presence more than her total absence. The end.


V1: Wipe this taste from my mouth

could you tell me I'm something... or anything at all by now

we could be friends but “more than this..” would always haunt my mind



you were the wind & I was the plastic pen..

used to compose a perfect, fantastic piece..

wind blow again & leave your breeze on my heart... oh oh..



{Chorus 1}-

& she blows south again....

from the north.. & it's a cold cold wind..

& she blows south again....

from the north to sting hearts of men...



V2: Wipe these tears from my chest

could you tell me it's nothing.. that life's not a mess for me

& we could be friends.. the kind that say phrases like “I still love you more”



She writes me again, but I'm not her pen..

to fit in her fingers & hold on to thoughts of when...

wind blow away the seeds of our yesterdays from my tattered heart..



{Chorus 1}-

& she blows south again....

from the north & it's a cold cold wind..

& she blows south again....

from the north to sting hearts of men... again...



{Bridge}-

& I swear I should have listened when everyone said that by now..

you should watch what you wish for...

& I swear I should have listened when everyone screamed in my ear...

but I am distracted...



& I swear I should have listened when everyone said that by now..

you should watch what you wish for...

& I swear I should have listened when everyone screamed in my ears..

but I am still wanting you here..



{Outro}-

come here...

ah, come here...ah



(please come around or just come near..

I'm distracted somehow & this could end badly now..



please come around or just come near..

I'm distracted somehow & this could end badly)



come here...ah, ah, ah..

come here...ah, ah ah, ah..

ah, Please come around or just come near.. I'm distracted somehow...

like in my dreams of falling...


please come around or just come near .. I'm distracted somehow...

like in my dreams of falling again.


****** P.S. -- I may post some kind of youtube version of this soon. I will load video on here.. if & when I do.

strange dreams & what they might mean or not mean lol..

So, who all dreams? Hopefully everyone reading this. I have a problem. I usually don't remember my dreams. Scientifically speaking, I know I do have several dreams a night probably.. I just don't ever have a sense of having them... or remembering them.. AT ALL! I wake up and all I know is the blackness of having closed my eyes & not being in a wakeful state for hours. Only seldom is this not the case.

Lately, I've had a few very very very vivid dreams.. in which the detail is so pristine and precise. I would wake up and be haunted by the dream for the remainder of the day.. or as with the two I am about to share... weeks.. maybe a month. These two have stuck with me (not unlike 2 similar "vision" type experiences I had amidst heavy prayer during the summer). I won't go into visions or dreams & whether or not they are truly spiritual or not. I used to not believe in the "Gifts of the spirit" even really. I used to not believe that some of these things were for today.. yeah.
I only profess what I have seen & heard & been a part of... the rest is a burden that rest on Jesus. Again, I'm not sharing "visions" here... as those kinds of things can confuse new believers & can also lead people into the false doctrines on such things that are spread by other non-Christian groups. While it is a good thing to seek gifts of the Spirit.. or to have them. It is better to know that Christ alone is sufficient for salvation & that everything else relies on that basis!

Dream 1 (this dream happened about 2 months ago)-- I am in what appears to be a large worship type center. I notice that there is an old style architecture that appears possibly to have just been made that way (so perhaps it's not really old, only designed that way). I see pipes as those of an "in house" organ attached to the wall. The floor is lined with a very red carpet through the isles that is bordered by hard-wood finish. I am taking a seat nearly 3/4 of the way back into the crowd, but centered so as to see what is going on up front. People are clamoring about at this point. Everyone is in suits & ties... plainly.. black & white. At this point I realize that I am also in a suit. For some reason this doesn't seem suspect to me even though none of the churches I've ever been a part of have held to this type of dress for all members.

Next thing I know, I'm praying in my mind. (I couldn't remember what I was praying amidst the dream.. I just know that I was praying). As I look up from praying two leaders of a church I have recently been a part of in MS came toward me. As the Pastor & worship leader of this church approached me, I wondered what it was that they wished to say to me. They both appeared very happy (but in a fake way) & they seemed to be almost inquisitive in their gazes even. The pastor grabbed my shoulder as I was seated & the worship pastor sat on my left & blocked me in so as to keep me from avoiding them. Next thing I know, the pastor is essentially begging me to tell him why I stopped going to his church a while back. (It then dawns on me (in the dream) that this pastor is wanting to know because his attendance has dropped off & he is searching for a way to attract large numbers)....


The pastor then begins imploring me as to what could have been the cause of my leaving again. I did not answer the first time, I simply peered directly into his eyes as a response to his question (as if to imply that he didn't need my words to know the answer that was before him). He then goes on to say, "Was it my teaching? Was it my sermons? Was it the language that I used?" At this time the worship pastor is chiming in as well asking me, "Was it the music? What kind of music would work more? Was it the style?"...

At this point I just looked at him and next thing I know I am standing up and walking toward the front as if to speak to a crowd. It was about this time that it seemed the crowd of people were no longer clamoring about, but instead.. seating themselves as if to hear something. I think I began thinking of repentance & itching ears & deception & everything that is not truth & how easily it clouds us & removes us from the direct path & will of God. I believe I was stepping up to speak on this. And this would (ironically) also be the answer as to why I left the church of these two leaders that were questioning me so intently.



So, this is the point where I wake up. I didn't know what to make of it. Was I a leader at some church and these guys had come to question why I left their church some years before? Were they present because it was a church leaders conference & I was set to speak or something? Either way, they were clamoring as to why I had left so that they could find out why others had left soon after me. They wanted a ploy to lure people back into their system of thought. They sought for me to criticize their methods but I did not. I don't know that I would have resisted that so easily in real life. I don't know that I would have just gazed directly into their eyes so that their own thoughts could judge their motives. I just know that directly after that.. I was about to proclaim truth to everyone in the building... hopefully to keep everyone else there away from & off the path that those other two church leaders had set themselves into ruin with. I'm still praying as to how & if & why & what this dream is relevant toward in my life.

Dream 2 -- (this happened about 10 or 11 days ago)-- I am bound by my hands, stripped of shirt & tied to a rather large tree (hanging by a branch so as to dislocate my shoulders (& I guess eventually starve me to death.. I don't know why they bound me to the tree). Anyways, I was apparently knocked out from pain or so they could bind my hands & place me on the tree. (again the ones that bound me never appear in the dream)... So, I start swaying to & fro.. trying to free myself from the tree somehow, I guess. I don't know why I would do this.. because having been there for a while it would only cause my shoulders to dislocate sooner.. maybe I was trying to speed up my death, I don't know. Anyways, I start singing to pass the time since I have no food or mode of good escape. I remember thinking to myself in the dream that if I should die on this tree, then I will sing to my creator until I go to be with him & see his face. It was not long after this silent thought of prayer & my singing... that the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life appeared through the distance coming out of a thick grove of trees towards me. The sunlight contrasted the limbs from which she entered my area and bounced off the locks of her wavy golden hair. I could not see her entire face at first, only a faint smile as she seemed to notice my swaying to try and free myself in rhythm as I sung to the LORD. I remember wondering why she would approach me (and smile at that). I mean, I was hanging from a tree.. singing to the LORD in anticipation of my sure death. Why would she approach me? Wouldn't she just think I was some whack job that maybe tried to hurt someone & was being tortured as punishment? Wouldn't she think I was just singing to the LORD out of some sort of drunkenness from the pain & hunger?

Regardless, she saw me & approached me. She continued closer until she was at the foot of the tree from which I was hanging. She did not speak, she simply sat her head upon that area where my torso and chest meet and embraced her arms around me. She smiled and pressed her face close as if to assure me that I was free even if bound by man's evil. In that moment, I no longer swayed.. or sang or cared for freedom. I was at the most uncertain point of my life.. and possibly about to die... and yet a stranger.. a beautiful stranger had loved me.. taking risks.. not knowing if I was dangerous or a lunatic... she heard my song.. she heard my cry to the LORD.. and she responded with love. She had made me realize that I was always free in love even when trapped. (Christ is love btw, so I was free in Christ!)


I still have no idea what that dream means.. or if it is significant to me. I feel like it most certainly is.. I just don't know the specific way in which it could be. I mean I know it is in at least the Biblical truth behind some of it.. but I just don't know if I know how & if other aspects of it apply to me. I know the first one seems to be more clear. The first dream seems to at least in part be applicable to ministry. This one may also.. I mean there is reference to being hung from a tree and facing uncertainty.. that certainly can correspond to the persecution of many in the Bible or even those in the world today. It could just be a comfort.. like the comfort from the stranger.. a message of peace sent from the LORD in response to my cries in time of need. It could be a glimpse to remind me of that when some tough time that is yet to come befalls me. I don't know.. it could be a great deal of other things to..

or .... both of these dreams could mean absolutely NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!

I do not think so, though. These 2 dreams have haunted my every waking moment.. they have come back to my mind amidst prayer.. they have come back to me during class.. they have come back to me during that phase of almost asleep but not quite completely asleep..

I just don't know.. but I wanted to share. If nothing else.. that was like a wild, allegorical fairy tale for you to read.. even though I believe it to be more.

As always, I am called to test these things.. yes.. everything.. even dreams.. and to hold fast to what is true. So, I will do just that. Kbye!

"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."

Abraham Lincoln said the quote you just read. Sadly, I feel like that could be used as a metaphorical application of my "today". While I've already had coffee & have not have tea (of course.. sorry England) I do not seem to be starting off the day like those Folgers coffee commericals (with a warm smell & awake feeling that nothing can ruin my day). See, right now it is 11:07am. What's so special about 11:07am? Well, right now I should have been amidst a church planters conference with about 12 church planters (followed by lunch with a pastor & talking about his church planting story/calling story & mine). Sadly, that did not happen. I guess he forgot he was supposed to meet me.. & his phone went straight to voicemail (probably due to the planters meeting starting 15 min. after we were set to meet up). So, there goes a wasted class skip on my part.. oh well. I was really looking forward to today (I even went to bed before 2am so I'd be awake haha). Another song lyric comes to mind though:

"Everything starts where it ends."-- lovedrug

I have to really pay attention to those words right now. Is every ending really a beginning of sorts? So then, maybe today was a beginning of me seeing how bad I really want this.. beyond words.. beyond meeting with people and talking and learning.. but to the point of crying out to God that he is still faithful and in charge even if today's plan.. or tomorrow's (or the day after) doesn't work out. Maybe, just maybe, a meeting can't teach you or me that. Maybe I have to be forgotten in order to be remembered. Maybe I have to lose in order to win. Maybe I have to show up when others don't in order to lead. Maybe through not understanding I will be understood (& empathetic with many people).

God cannot be boxed into a church planter's meeting anyways. I know that. I know that I won't really learn the proper way to lead or grow or bind up the broken-hearted or worried or sick or damaged & oppressed through any meeting. It is God who weighs the heart. It is God who searches me & knows me completely. It is God that uses the same sun to both harden the clay... and yet also to melt the ice.. butter.. wax etc. Will I be clay & be reduced to a hardened stone heart? May it never be!

I will be like wax, ice & butter before the LORD's plan. I will melt with joy & anticipation even through patience & waiting on him through his word! His word endures forever & cannot deny himself. And so, I have no worries. I have only to love.. and the rest will happen in time. A people, a nation, a world cannot stifle love... not but for a moment.. and so I wait patiently knowing that My God is not boxed in & a botched meeting does nothing to effect his grand plan of love!

On joyful wings

So this is a random compilation music album that was created to raise money for breast cancer.. if you like it.. you can buy it for only $5.. or if you choose not to buy.. you can just listen to random tracks (it's 21 varied/amazing tracks) for FREEEEEEE!!!!!!!! Your welcome in advance, lol.

make sure you at least listen to cool hand luke's track "nobody hugs a rose" (track 14) it will blow you away!

Satan Sunday, Mormon Monday...

So this past Sunday (yesterday).. I woke up really late. I woke up really late because I got off work late Saturday night and ended up reading a bunch once I got to the dorm. I got into a bunch of Bible reading ...or at least that's what my plan was. I ended up being sidetracked (also known as distraction). Now, you're thinking I'm just a bad guy now.. I'm not supposed to get distracted when I sit down to read the Bible. However, I was distracted by love. Let me explain....

In the fourth chapter of John we see an instance in which Jesus is going from one ministry activity to another (this would be very much like us going from one job to another). He gets distracted in route. Here's what happened:

1) He got tired & sat down by a well.
2) A Samaritan woman came to draw water as she normally would have during that time of day.
3) Jesus asked her for a drink.

Now all of this happened in verses 1-8 and seems normal.. but what happens next is not limited to this one event only (I will explain later). In verse 9, the Samaritan woman expresses her surprise that a Jew would ask for anything from a Samaritan. During this time they were bitter enemies, in fact historical documents show that many of the leading Jews would wake up and pray thanks to God that they weren't a Samaritan. They would then ask for a curse upon the Samaritan people! (And we think racism is only bad today)...

**** side-note****
(WE can also see a similar depiction of this notion the Samaritan woman speaks of in Luke 10) 
--In Luke 10 the religious leaders are traveling to perform their priestly duties & ceremonious activities. They wouldn't stop to help the Samaritan. Jesus reveals to them that they should have loved God & their neighbor. He reveals to them that every man is their neighbor.. not just the ones that look like them or have culture in common with them or even the ones that have the same beliefs as them.)


Now keep reading through verse 42 & just seen the wealth of revolutionary things that jumps out!
¹⁰Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water."  ¹¹"Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? ¹²Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?"
 ¹³Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, ¹⁴but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."
 ¹⁵The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water." 

So then, we see that Jesus doesn't stop at only implying to the woman that the previous system of non-just separation between the Samaritans & Jews wasn't right. He goes farther and instead of taking up the water he asked her for, he instead ends up offering her water... only of an even better & surpassing form as compared to the water that he had asked for!
 ****Side-note****
(Doesn't this sound similar to the wedding account in John 2? Jesus took water and turned it to wine there. He not only did this, but it in effect made the best wine the last wine.. the wine that would be tasted even after the guest had already had plenty. Now in regular life, we often use up the best first. WE have a notion that the best should be used first & picked first. However, in the Eyes of Jesus.. the best is often saved for last.)

So we see here, that Jesus is (not surprisingly) following his form previously set.. by taking something ordinary and making it extraordinary. He would continue to do this throughout the gospels as a sign of what he would send the Holy Spirit to work out in our heart through salvation... that we might display true love & exhibit the fruit of the spirit.
{love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self-control}

He came that we might have life to the full! Isn't this fitting that he would show us examples of ordinary things being turned into super-things?!? Water is now into wine, & water is also made into living water!!! So then, not only is water turned into this fine substance worthy of being at weddings & used as a toast to the love of the new bride & groom... but even beyond that... water is taken and turned from a dead thing and given life qualities! And so, we are just the same. We are made from ordinary into something extravagant.. but only by the presence of Jesus. WE are made from something that is seen as regular and abundant (like water) into a form of that same substance that is exceedingly rare and valuable (like coal as it is turned to diamonds by the heat of the earth).

This is what I think of when I hear Jesus words echo from the Cross saying, "I thirst!" No doubt, the Jewish people of this time would have thought even more profound things. They would have known (right away) most every instance that water or thirst was mentioned in the Old Testament (they were expected to). They also (at least many of them) would have orally heard the story of the woman at the well. So then, we Jesus cried out "I thirst!" it would have been a sermon of 2 words that trailed with a reverberation of many thoughts provoked in the spirit. They would have realized that Jesus was telling them to Love God & to love people and to do it in such a way that they even become distracted by love. They would have realized that Jesus was calling to them saying that even in their travels from home to work.. or from one job to another.. no matter how late.. no matter how rushed.. no matter how wealthy or poor ... to be distracted by love.. enough to help anyone that might bother or interrupt their daily plans. After all, Jesus was continually bothered in such a way and he never showed anger.. he simply put his other duties on hold long enough to be distracted by love.. and to satiate (satisfy) that love with actions. In fact, just look further on into this same chapter and you will see this even more....

³¹Meanwhile his disciples urged him, "Rabbi, eat something."  ³²But he said to them, "I have food to eat that you know nothing about."
 ³³Then his disciples said to each other, "Could someone have brought him food?"
 ³⁴"My food," said Jesus, "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. ³⁵Do you not say, 'Four months more and then the harvest'? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest.

So why did Jesus allow himself to be distracted by love? He shows us here that it was his Father's work. Love was his Father's work... of course.. God is love!!! He desired to love and to be distracted by work in the way that normal men would have desired to satisfy their hunger for food. And yet, he would have hungered (as a man) but how much more did he hunger to satisfy his Father's work of loving?

What does this all mean?

Well we can backtrack a little to an earlier place in the chapter and clarify what this "loving" really is & why it is so important to God.
²¹Jesus declared, "Believe me, woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. ²²You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. ²³Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. ²⁴God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."  ²⁵The woman said, "I know that Messiah" (called Christ) "is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us."
 ²⁶Then Jesus declared, "I who speak to you am he."

Jesus was speaking of what could bridge the gap between the hostility of the Jews towards the Samaritans & what should be. We know that there is a difference between the way things are and the way things should be. We know that there is something wrong with society, even the coldest atheistic mind will concede this as truth. How do we get there? How do we bridge the gap? Jesus tells us here that the way is love. He also tells us that he is the way the truth & the life (in the scriptures) & so we know these things to be true.


So then, love is what worshiping in spirit & truth looks like. This is what the Father seeks. 




** phew... now that's over... but what about the whole Satan Sunday, Mormon Monday thing???**


If you've made it this far, I'm glad. YOU make me smile... with all your selfless sacrificing of eyesight and time and energy just to read this! :) YOU deserve a cookie.. and some coffee (or whatever your favorite beverage is... so go get some & tell a random person that you love them! 

I sincerely hope that you enjoyed or are currently enjoying your cookie and beverage. Really, from the bottom of my heart, I do.. lol. Now, think about that cookie &/or beverage in light of what I just said ... in light of what you just read about Jesus. Do you think that food could be more than food? Do you think that drink could be more than just a favorite liquid that slides across your taste buds and down your throat? I do.


I think it's a reminder. WE hunger & thirst & even enjoy food & drink when we aren't hungry or thirsty. What if we treated the scriptures the same way. Sure we will go to them when we are desperate or in need of some answer to a huge crisis of a friend or family member.. but will we go to them even before we are dying of thirst or hunger? Shouldn't we? Maybe this is how we keep from getting to that point of almost dying from hunger & thirst in the first place...??? Or maybe this will just increase our appetite for Godliness & in that process we will become more equipped & able to show love on a daily basis.... Big love.. God love.. not weak & feeble "American love". 


This relates to me in a way. I'm not just preaching to you. I was distracted from my reading the other night. I stumbled upon some Mormon information.... I had read some on them recently & some on Jehovah's witness. I know that they are two very differing cultures (as compared to Evangelical society). I say this because they aren't just "cults". They aren't just "heresy" as some would label them. They are a way of life. This is what we need to see. Just as the Samaritans and Jews wouldn't associate with each other.. we do not tend to even associate with those groups because of preconceived notions or labels. We tend to say that they are beyond re-birth and that our ways are right and that theirs are just flat wrong. What do you think? Do you think that a person could be a born again Mormon? Do you think a person could be a born again Jehovah's witness? Do you think they could genuinely come to know Jesus and actually stay around their group for a time (even believing differently) in order to try and produce change.. or just to share with a few souls in need?


See, this is big & we would often say.. oh no it can't be so. 


There is neither Jew nor Greek to those that are in Christ Jesus. This means that it is possible. You are the temple of God. He resides in you.. if indeed you are saved that is. And so, it doesn't matter if you are a baptist or Lutheran or Baptist or Catholic or even Mormon. One can realize that all of us have errant ways within our systems. Even hugely flawed systems as the Mormon system & Jehovah's witness systems... they can produce a few regenerated people by the power of Jesus. Do you think God is so weak that he cannot save a man from a man made system?


To say that there can be no such thing as a born again Mormon or a born again Jehovah's witness or a born again Catholic is to say in effect that some things are beyond the saving grace and atonement of Christ' shed blood! To say this would be to limit the glory & power of Christ...

I dare you to even try to say that Christ can't do something and then pray to him about that same thing and admit what you think to him.... and then step back and give him time and watch him do the very thing that you just told him was impossible.

{Mark 10:27}--
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.”

In my own life this applies. I was almost kept from going to a new church last night.. I went and God opened a door to talk with a pastor about church planting.. not only that... but to attend a conference with him and about 12 other church planters this Thursday (and to have lunch with them afterward and talk and share ideas)... Now this wouldn't have happened if not for the spirit of Galatians 6 and having friends that help me bear the burden of the calling of Christ. I encourage you.... Satan Sunday will happen to you... at least once in your life..God will have some key event planned to gift you and hand over to you a tool to help in your ministry for him.. and if you don't have people willing to help you bear the burden and make sure you show up.. then you will miss out! Showing up is half of the battle!!!!


I am just a man that knows he's called of God to call others to God. I do not yet know what this fully entails or how it will play out. Would I want to? It would probably scare me out of my mind. I'm glad I don't know what I'm facing.. it allows me to be bold above my normal capacity. It allows me to not have to sweat blood as Jesus did while he knew what was ahead of him. Jesus took that angst and worry for me so that I wouldn't have to worry about the unknown... I walk by faith in him. I trust in the unseen for if I trusted in the seen then that would be no faith at all. 

Now, go give your eyes a break & send me the doctor bill if I caused them too much pain ;)
jk, I'm in college... you don't want me getting any of your bills.. I will just mooch a shredder off someone and destroy them if I get them lol.

I love you all more than you know,
Rick Renfroe